I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
