her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
