I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
