Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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