new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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