I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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