Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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