I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
