I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
