My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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