I am puke
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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