Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
