i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
