i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
