I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
