Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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