you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
