he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
