Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
