Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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