The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
