I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
