Kiss
Puke
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
