coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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