I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
