we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
