Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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