I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
