Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
