Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
