you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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