Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
