the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
