yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
