He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
