so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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