can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
