we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
