Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
