No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
vagina is talking i cant
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
