remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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