I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
50% drunk capacity currently
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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