spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Randomize
