420 ftw
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
