if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
