I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
