he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
