Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I pour the whiskey from now on
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
