remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
