I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
