Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
