i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
