I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
