so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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