hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
