how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
