I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
