One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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