Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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