i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
