Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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