I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
