also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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