you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
