I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish I could teleport
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
