I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
