dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
