smell my finger.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize